Urban (mis)Advantures

What boys are made of… — December 27, 2010

What boys are made of…

I’ve heard it said that

Boys are made of things like

Snails and puppy-dog tails,

But you, my boy, are made of

The twinkle of little stars,

Fluffy, powdery snowflakes,

Rays of sunshine and rumbles of thunder,

Directions to Sesame Street

With tickles, giggles, and grouches,

Clues from a blue dog,

And Spongebob’s square pants,

ABC’s and 1,2,3’s

Watercolors and crayons,

Construction paper and dull scissors,

Threads from Charlotte’s web,

Wood from a magic treehouse,

Stones from the sidewalk’s end,

Pages from a wimpy kid’s diary,

Tales of talking and singing vegetables,

Lightsabers and Jedi mind tricks,

The one ring that ruled them all,

A sail from a black pearl,

And a sonic screwdriver,

Cracked and dented drumsticks,

Lyrics from Greenday, U2, Muse,

And Katy Perry,

Scattered Legos and Megablocks,

Action figures tucked away with care

Or hidden under your bed,

Video game adventures with Persia’s prince,

A ratchet and a clank,

The halo and the covenant,

And hearts from many magical kingdoms,

A scraped up skateboard,

Worn out sneakers and rugged jeans,

And smelly or mismatched gym socks,

Silly booger or flatulence jokes,

Musical armpit farts,

Untimely loud belches,

And perfectly executed hugs and kisses.

All these things mixed with tender care,

Lessons of your short life experience,

Influences of longer life experiences,

And all of God’s mercy, grace and love.

Happy Snow Day, Massachusetts! —

Happy Snow Day, Massachusetts!

On December 26, Massachusetts’ first (and last) snowstorm of 2010 began.  Not that I’m complaining.  My neck of the woods, Chelmsford, is blanketed by about one foot of wonderful powdery snow.  It started snowing again at about 8:20, and is steadily blowing off trees and rooftops. 

Although I am enjoying a day off with warm oatmeal, I still got up (not so) bright and early to help dig out the Jeep so my man could get to work.  Many humans to do not heed warnings of snow, leading to car accidents, leading to a busy autobody season. 

Since the storm hit right after Christmas, my boy has plenty of new books and a couple of video games to keep him occupied.  And I may attempt to be a DJ Hero myself.  Werd to yo’ mutha.

My main concern is that status of my Wednesday flight to my one and only vacation this year in Florida.  Logan airport in Boston began pulling planes off the runway yesterday afternoon.  Hopefully everything, including possible trapped and crabby travelers, will be cleared by that time.  I simply do not have the time for Mother Nature’s antics right now. 

Well, Massachusetts and the North East, get out and build a snowman with your kids.  Then go sledding down that insane hill.  And start a snowball war with your pesky neighbors, making sure to hit that really bratty kid in the face.  Stay off the roads if you can.  And drive smart if you have to be on the roads.

Natural Upgrade, Part Two — December 19, 2010

Natural Upgrade, Part Two

Our son is currently going through his natural upgrade from Child version 12.5 to Adolescent version 13.0.   Noticeable changes are occurring in his hardware and software. 

 His feet now emit a foul odor.  The stench is greatly magnified by his socks.  The odor from spreads to his laundry pile and has infected his entire room at least twice. 

 In addition, his hair now becomes greasy much easier.  It appears the Child versions application of Not Wanting a Haircut will install itself in the Adolescent version, thus causing needed upgrades to the Hair Washing function to fix the greasy hair error. 

 Although the Showering function remedies the foul feet odor and greasy hair glitches, it requires much reminders and warnings from us parental units.  This is yet another change that is requiring adjustment from the parents.  Throughout many of his Childhood versions, our son gladly took baths as part of his Night Routine program.  As the Adolescent upgrade occurs, the Showering function is not quite so voluntary, but seen as an interruption to other less necessary functions such as Playing Video Games or Watching TV.

Letters to Santa…. — December 10, 2010

Letters to Santa….

Dear Santa,

     I worked very hard this year. I’m not trying to convince you that I’ve been really good.  I only want to point out that I am an American citizen who contributes to society.  For instance, part of my job has been to make sure others have health insurance, otherwise I would not get paid.  Yet, my little family of three does not have health insurance right now.  We simply cannot afford it at this time.

        So Santa, can I have some health reform?  Reform that goes a little something like this….

        Affordable health insurance.  Affordable does not mean $500 to $700 a month, which is what health insurance companies are quoting me for my family.  The three of us go to the doctor two, maybe three, times a year, as we currently do not have major health conditions.  Why should I spend $6,000 to $8,400 a year on insurance when we only about $1,000 in doctor visits?  Seriously, does that make sense? 

        Well, some might say, what about emergencies?  Yes, what about the time my son busted his lip open and needed two stitches.  We were amazingly in and out of the emergency room within two hours.  Yet, the bill came to $1,400.  Really?  Does thread, a needle, cleaning and dressing supplies, and that paper covering the bed cost $1,400?  Perhaps one reason why the bill was so high was that we spoke to four or five people before even seeing the doctor.  Check-in, triage nurse, someone to take the insurance we did have at that time, and another nurse before seeing the doctor.  The story of how my kid slid off the couch and banged his lip on the coffee table was repeated about three times.  And then of course the doctor contracted to do the services has his own charges.  But $1,400 for two hours?  I don’t think so.    

        So maybe, Santa, the cost of health care should be capped at some point.  Should some doctors have multi million dollar homes when the teachers who taught them how to read just lost their retirement?  Or better yet, Mr. Claus, can America realize that health care is a basic human right and not something to be capitalized upon?  Can insurance companies, health care providers, and the government realize that things like immunizations, stitches, casts for broken bones, and medicines for common ailments should be covered and available universally to the American public?  Save the boob and nose jobs, spider vein removal, and liposuctions to be paid for and capitalized upon. 

        So, Santa, the next time I slip on some ice or catch bronchitis, can I get the proper care without going bankrupt?



Letters to Santa — December 7, 2010

Letters to Santa

Dear Santa,

I know Christmas is your time to shine and a big deal for you and many people around the world.  I know that its supposed to be about peace, love, and good will to others.  But I think some are forgetting this about the holidays.  Santa, let me get straight down to my request.  Next year, can capitalism not kill Christmas before it even starts?  Let me elaborate. 

Santa, can you start by telling stores and retailers not to line their shelves with Christmas decorations on Halloween?  If I need to make a candy run or pick up last-minute party supplies, I don’t want to see ornaments, evergreens, or holiday popcorn tins.  Who the heck buys Christmas popcorn in October anyway?   That’s ridiculous.  Next Halloween, can I still see plump pumpkins bobbing in store windows and crisp leaves fluttering around?  Can I still enjoy funky, spooky colors such as deep purples, slimy greens, and pure black?  And then can I still behold fall colors at retailers, such as vibrant reds, oranges, and golden yellows?    No bright greens or screaming reds on October 31st, 2011 please.  St. Nick, on Halloween, I’m trying to enjoy the company of pirates, pumpkin kings, crazed clowns, and zombies.  It just is not an appropriate time in to face elves, reindeer, and snowmen in the stores.  

Mr. Claus, again, I know Christmas is your thing.  But when it’s decorations blare at us in October, I wonder if our capitalistic society is forgetting about Thanksgiving.  This is quite the important holiday in American culture, as it remembers a pivotal time in our history when people from completely different worlds came together in harmony to celebrate the promise of a new life.  Now I understand that retailers other than grocery stores cannot profit off of Thanksgiving, but next year, can the American society not overlook it?   

Santa, I guess what I’m really asking is that in 2011, please don’t let the Christmas season hit me like a freight train.  Instead, let it appear gradually, like the changing colors of autumn leaves.    Next year, let’s have a proper Halloween and Thanksgiving complete with Charlie Brown specials, candy, turkey, and pies.  And let the Christmas season come when it is supposed to-the end of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. 



Hello world! —